to find the light of new hope

I cannot even tell you what I have felt this winter season. What I can tell you is that it has been one of the hardest seasons of my life, although I am not sure as I can tell you why. But I have struggled like no other winter ever.

A couple Sundays ago I shared with a prayer group that I was legitimately having a spiritual battle due to the weather. I know that seems dramatic and drastic, but I strongly feel that way! My spirit has felt crushed ever since snow started covering the poor, defenseless grass. I am trying to move past this bitterness, as the cold and wind is doing enough today to make me bitter.

This past Sunday I had better news to share with my prayer group. Over the past couple weeks, God has been softening my heart to the weather. Again, I am sure I sound a bit ridiculous, but this has been a very real struggle for me (maybe I am starting to explore the idea that I am projecting other life struggles onto the snow, but I have not gotten far with that). 

Sometimes the snow slowly falls to the ground and there is no wind. That's beautiful.

After a fresh snowfall the fields and yards are flawless. That's beautiful.

And God still gives me exquisite sunsets every once in a while. That's so beautiful.

Not only did God give me these wonderful examples of beauty, but it happened at church too. We walked in and no one was there but a video was playing of a man who would alternatively sing and preach. After some time a song came on just for me. Since my Spanish is less than superb,  I am sure I translated it wrong, but God wanted me to hear this message from it:

This winter has been way harder than I can ever say

I have not seen spring in forever, dangit

Where on earth is the sun

My heart is super cloudy and my soul is basically dying over here

(this is where is gets really good)

I yearn for the sun to come out and shine

Shine bright from the heavens

and get rid of the frost that has been killing my heart

Then, as the pastor was praying, she mentioned that the winter might be hard for a lot of us, but that we might keep following. I love these little reinforcements.

I still yearn for better weather and I do not like having to wear so many clothes, but I am happy that I am able to find peace in this season. I praise the Lord for that.

He gives more grace.

And peace.

In case you really love Spanish, here are the full lyrics.

Jesús Adrián Romero - Brilla

Este invierno se extendió más de la cuenta 

hace tiempo que no veo la primavera. 

Hace mucho que no brilla el sol con fuerza 

se nublo mi corazón sin darme cuenta. 

Y añoro la mañana cuando el sol saldrá 

cuando brillara. 

Brilla, desde el cielo luz de vida, brilla 

Ven a deshacer la escarcha que 

este invierno me dejo este frio abrazador, ven. 

Duele el frío que ha dejado en mí tu ausencia, 

duele el aire al respirar, sin tu presencia. 

Ya mi aceite se acabó sin darme cuenta 

mi lámpara se apaga en la tormenta. 

Y añoro la mañana cuando el sol saldrá 

cuando brillara. 

Brilla, desde el cielo luz de vida, brilla 

Ven a deshacer la escarcha que 

este invierno me dejo este frio abrazador, ven